Post #130

Subject: Satire... from National Lampoon

http://blimptv.blogspot.com/2007/12/new-bush-coins.html

George W. Bush refuses to leave office, bans private ownership of alloys, invalidates all currency and then turns the entire oil business over to Dick Cheney’s buds….

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Now that President Bush declared marshal law, it will be illegal to be in possession of precious metals after the first of the year. That’s why all citizens are urged to redeem their coins at any of the over 48,000 Halliburton service stations throughout the United States. We call it operation change for the better and for good reason. First, the new money is based on a petroleum standard so the coins will appear in gallon denominations instead of dollars, which makes sense since that’s where most of your income goes anyway.

Let’s familiarize ourselves with the new coins starting with the ten gallon denomination which features the president’s mother, Barbara Bush, who will forever be remembered for single-handedly changing the world’s perspective by noting that the refugees of hurricane Katrina were better off after the disaster than before. This happy fact is memorialized on the reverse with the adorable image of two lost children paddling past the superdome.

The five gallon coin celebrates our comatose press and the fifth anniversary of Larry King’s momentous interview with Elizabeth Taylor on the eve of the Iraq war. This coin is also known as the buffaloed press nickel because of the American bison on the reverse, butting heads with the liberal media.

The one gallon coin or the Condi, honors Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice whose solution to Middle East conflict is summarized on the reverse, piping Persia for peace. The half gallon coin or Scalia depicts the Supreme Court justice against a backdrop of uncounted Florida ballots. While on the reverse, presidential advisor Karl Rove celebrates the modern miracle of electronic voting.

Finally, there’s the one cup coin or the bracero, honoring the millions of aliens the president welcomed into the American labor pool. It features the unknown bracero on the front. While on the back more illegals jump the border in Roger Clark Wilson’s gateway to servitude. Yes, a fitting tribute to big business’ final triumph over organized labor. The larger denomination begin with the 25 gallon royal Limbaugh. Celebrating uniformity of speech, it features a Greco-Roman interpretation of commentators Bill O’Reilly, Sean Hannity and Anne Coulter, under the banner, one media, one voice.

The 50 gallon coin pays homage to Donald Rumsfeld and the concept of democracy at gunpoint. The 75 gallon coin features Vice President Cheney and the creed for which he’s dedicated the bulk of his public life, “in greed we trust.” On the reverse, an American eagle and the price of gas engaged in a symbolic race for the moon.

Finally there’s the 100 gallon coin or the Bush doubloon, the presidential credo “fighting terrorism by creating it” is featured. On the reverse the events of 9/11 are recalled under the motto, “lest they forget, we’ll remind.” Here a new World Trade Center rises from the ashes of the Pentagon, crusted by the men of Iwo Jima. On the right, Vice President Cheney is seen canceling North American fighter cover, while on the left, the president reads “My Pet Goat” to Florida kindergartners. Yes, it’s a vivid snapshot of that fateful day, captured for all time in 100 percent depleted uranium. Be among the first to redeem coins worth 100 gallons or more and receive this limited edition doubloon, featuring President Bush along with Presidents Hoover and Harding, kindred leaders who also labored under a plundered economy. Yes, it’s out with the old, in with the new, operation change for the better from the United States government and Halliburton, working together to round up every cent you have. A percentage of every Halliburton purchase is donated to the New Orleans wetlands reserve.

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